• Europe

• Business

• Economy

• Culture

• Technology

• Education

• Travel

• Lifestyle

• Just Curious

I Love U, Online

Does dating stand a chance in a world overshadowed by the digital?

The first kiss, the first night spent together, the first time ‘I love you’s’ are exchanged  – are all generally considered among a series of seemingly never-ending firsts in the pursuit of the first ‘adult’ relationship. Often considered a right of passage, relationships in 2011 are hardly the relationships known by older generations. Today’s relationships are a series of muddled definitions that can range from such witticisms as friends with benefits to hook-up buddies to sex pals to people are not meant to be monogamous. They all essentially come down to the same issue – one or both partners are simply unwilling to commit to anything more serious than an occasional date, expression of affection or a romp between the sheets. The phenomenon of running away from the potential of being with someone until ‘death do us part’ is hardly novel, but the extent of it does seem to be spreading like wildfire, pushing desperate singles of both sexes into the gray area of relationships.

Hopping from one dinner date to another or one bed to another is an alluring concept for many members of the younger generation, but a few years out of college, as the more stable of their friends begin pairing off, things often begin to change. Realising that it may be time to settle down after years of casual relationships, however, is not as easy as it may initially seem. With each passing year the pool of eligible bachelors and bachelorettes dwindles, and those that are left become more likely to have their own collection of baggage that will not necessarily be left at the door. The feeling that love is in the air for everyone else, along with the worry that they are running out of time, can create an aura of desperation that becomes almost palpable around some singles. Hardly an attractive characteristic, there was a ray of hope many found in the world of the internet.

From the comforts of their home, those interested in meeting someone could lounge around in their sweatpants, eating with their hands and still judge other based on their photo and profile. The beauty of social networking and dating websites was that they facilitated, and continue to facilitate, the screening process. Thirty messages in the inbox, but only interested in seeing one candidate? No problem, ignoring the other 29 guilt-free is as easy as hitting delete, or for the more adventurous – block. Whatever the reason behind rejecting someone based on a 300 word description and perhaps a conversation or two conducted via a chat programme, the ease of the whole process removes any potential awkwardness of having to tell someone face-to-face, ‘Hey, I am just not that into you.’

The removal of barriers that tame tongues in a normal social setting has a dual effect. The nature of the internet helps individuals open up to complete strangers, scoping out the territory to assess whether or not there is the hint of a spark that could lead to a relationship. Simultaneously, it also makes cutting people out easier because the person getting rejected is not granted the same right to embarrassment or shame that they would be if the situation played out in a bar. The internet does not feel like real life, making it the perfect forum to act differently from what is acceptable in everyday life. More dangerously than that, it may even give a different impression of a user than they would otherwise create. Far from the worry of a middle-aged fat man pretending to be a sexy 20-something female out of sheer boredom, the more likely concern should be that the witty 20-something who looks just like her picture, is actually sarcastic and jaded or desperate and weepy.

The ease with which men and women alike communicate online is often completely different than they would communicate in reality. Sexually explicit messages online are exchanged for shy thank you’s at compliments over a coffee or a quick pat on the knee. The successfully social networking that is done by singles in search that mythical relationship seen in romantic comedies and Disney films, is more unlikely than stumbling onto Prince Charming at the local supermarket. The internet allows women to play the sexual deviant that many think men want them to be and permits men to pretend to be the chivalrous gentleman without ever having to open a door or pull out a chair. The web of lies, or at the very least the display of only positive attributes, can cause a nasty surprise when two singles actually meet for their first date.

The openness exhibited online is nowhere to be found on most first encounters, and if it is, it can easily be perceived as overly forward, desperate or not genuine. This leaves singles exactly where they were prior to their online dating experience – dazed and confused, now online and in real life 3-D.

by Magdalena Kalata